Tag Archives: Relationships

Pulling through a long distance relationship

Nyasha Matongo | Nust ZW 19′
4 minute read 

…it’s usually mistrust and loneliness that brings emptiness or rather the “d i s t a n c e” in a long distance relationship…

Hey guys welcome to another series of For Her Fridays. After dwelling so much on fashionmakeup and style shall we get into the love lounge? To begin this series, I’m going to talk about long distance relationships.

I’ve noticed that if there’s one thing that people are skeptical about, it’s long distance relationships. I tried to find out why and it’s usually mistrust and loneliness that brings emptiness or rather the “distance” in a long distance relationship. Based on my current personal experiences and lessons from other people, I’m going to talk about how you can pull through a long distance relationship.

I can’t say I’ve always been negative about long distance relationships. Maybe it’s because I just never had the chance to be in any. I have seen people breaking up and others cheating and others entering an “open relationship” phase (I still don’t understand how this works) because long distance had become unbearable.

All this ends up happening because people would have allowed a gap to be created especially if they used to be in closer proximity. From my understanding, it all goes back to the importance of knowing your love languages as according to Gary Chapman. Discover what you guys individually like and make the most of it whilst one of you is away. For example, I like it when my bf helps me do something no matter how small. It could even be just holding my umbrella.

So when I’m away like this, he still finds something to help me with be it proof reading my blogs, helping me plan my day or week or anything he might be able to help with. Gosh that gets me sooo happy (you’ll understand why when I talk about love languages in my next For Her Friday post).

IMG_20180902_165433_716[1]Gifts can be a great way of making your bae think about you

…seeing all those cute and crazy pictures reminds me that I have something beautiful to hold on to…

By positivism I mean how much you believe in your couple. Someone would literally declare the relationship over in her mind just because “all boys cheat” anyway. Yea, that could be true, boys cheat, men don’t.

The first thing you need to do is to believe that you can make it. You can never expect something to work when you don’t believe that it can work for you. Although I’d never been in a long distance relationship, I told myself to focus on the positive things that could result from it and I had to see myself pulling through. Stop thinking about all the negative things that could happen. Your life is shaped by what you think.

The next thing I (I’d rather say we) did was to prepare ourselves for it. How? Spend as much time as possible with your loved one before one of you goes away. Deliberately make an investment into your relationship by creating memories.

Take walks, just sit on a park bench and tell your bf what you really like about him and what you’ll miss. Don’t let the separation be an abrupt event, make it gradual at least 2-3 months. Another great way of doing this is taking lots pictures if you like pictures. There are times when I just browse my gallery and seeing all those cute and crazy pictures reminds me that I have something beautiful to hold on to.

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Make memories and capture them

After being separated by distance one thing bae and I have done is to have quality time despite being in two different parts of the country. These days technology has made communication easier and you really need to make use of it. One of the things we do is making video calls and tallllllk. This doesn’t only feel awesome, it actually makes you feel like you are not so far from each other.

C’mon, he’s just a call away not hundreds of kilometers after all. If you can’t do video calls, do voice calls or anything that keeps the two of you in touch. If you don’t talk to him someone will and this could even be his own mind which leads to suspicion and suspicion leads to…. Yea, you got it right (I’m just assuming you did lol)

The most important thing you need to do if you ever want to pull through a long distance relationship is building your relationship on trust. Some girls can’t even let their boyfriends go out of their sight what more if he now has to be away from you? I talked about 5 things girls do that guys hate and lack of trust is definitely one of them.

I’m sure you’d get irritated too if your bf didn’t trust you. I’ve had many people asking me why I trust my boyfriend so much. Well, I guess it’s because I haven’t caught him. (Hahaha just kidding). My secret is I’ve learnt that trust is the secret to a healthy relationship regardless of distance.

I’m always positive and I never allow any negative forces to influence me. My friends now know this and they even fight any negativity that other people might try to bring. The problem is most of the time we allow other people to influence our relationships when our relationships should influence the world.

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Go-cart racing

Owww this one came from my bf…. “be in touch with his friends and surprise him even when you are not around….” 🙂

So there you have it. Long distance relationships can actually work out and its you and your partner who have to put in the effort. Remember to do the things he loves the most, build trust, be positive and have quality time together even when you’re not together. I hope you enjoyed reading this article and you found it helpful. Please share with me some of your tips in the comments section below and do follow and like my blog.

xoxo

Reblogged from https://nyashamatongoblog.wordpress.com
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4 Reasons They Might Be Ghosting You

Dajin Kim | University of Texas at Austin
3 minute read

When it comes to modern day dating, there’s no question that things aren’t the way that they used to be. Instead of meeting people the old fashioned way, Platforms like Tinder and Bumble have taken over the dating world. Although convenient, the use of apps and texting communication has caused a rise of of ghosting. For those who aren’t familiar with the term, “ghosting” refers to when a person that you’ve been romantically chatting with simply ignores you without any explanation. No matter how great you think the date may have gone or how much chemistry is there, you could totally still get ghosted. Not sure why? Take it from the people who have done the ghosting:

They’re scared of hurting your feelings.

One of the main reasons that people get ghosted is because the person doing it simply doesn’t want to deal with having to hurt your feelings. Although we may think that sending a rejection over text is much easier than doing so in person, not responding altogether is even easier. Especially if it’s someone that you wouldn’t necessarily run into on a daily basis, ignoring someone’s text doesn’t seem so bad. Whether it’s gradually texting less and less or completely ignoring them altogether, this is definitely a big one.

Joshua Keys, a senior at the University of North Texas, explains that “sometimes it’s just easier than trying to think up a formal rejection, even if it is through text message. I feel like it would’ve been better than giving a straight rejection.” Not everyone can be as brave as we want them to be, right?

They found someone else.

Although this may sound like one of the worst reasons to ghost someone, some say that the reason for their ghosting is because they simply found someone better for them. This may not make you feel the greatest, but it’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean that they found someone more superior than you, they just found someone with better compatibility for their needs. Most ghosters say that they started to ignore the person they were talking to because they found a bae that they truly wanted to invest in.

M​egan Dibbern, a grad student at the University of Texas at Austin, says that this is a big reason why people go ghost. “I just don’t find it necessary to continue to talk to someone when you know that it’s not going to last,” she explains. “For me, it’s not necessarily that I chose someone over someone else, but I just think of it as going with the better choice for myself.” That makes sense, right?

They don’t feel like it’s worth discussing.

One big reason for ghosting that most people don’t consider is that the relationship didn’t seem serious enough to require an explanation. We know, it’s hard to tell how invested in you someone is, but without communication there’s no way to truly know where your “almost” relationship stands.

Holly Brookshire, a graduate from the University of North Texas, explains her reasoning. “For me, I didn’t think that we were talking long enough for it to require a formal ending,” she says. “I feel like if we’ve only been chatting a little bit for a short period of time, simply not replying anymore sends the message across.”

It’s important to remember that sometimes it’s not always about someone being a jerk, but just differing mindsets. Something that seems okay to one person may not be the same as yours.

Related: 7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Date Someone New 

They’re not motivated enough to keep it going.

Now here’s the big one: Although it may seem like one specific text or message may have ruined the budding relationship, the answer may be a lot simpler than you think. Most people, whether they’re experienced or not, can often lose interest for no reason at all. We all know that the feeling of butterflies in our stomachs and fast heart beats don’t really happen all that easily.

Joe Lee, a sophomore at the University of Texas at Arlington says that this is a main reason he ghosts people. “With my busy schedule, when I’m not super interested in the girl I’m talking to, I just don’t feel motivated to keep it going,” he says. “Honestly, most of the times I just forget to reply.”

It’s hard to find someone who truly makes us feel like we are in love. More often than not, two people feeling that way about each other is very rare, but that’s what makes it special, right?

Curated from Her Campus:

ATTENTION MALE SPECIES: Date a girl who reads

Vimbai Chinembiri
4 minute read

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or if she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.