Category Archives: sex

#HearMeToo: How Can I Deal With Sexual Harassment On Campus?

Staff Writer | Nust ZW
5 minute read

What is sexual harassment?

Sexual harassment includes any unwanted sexual behavior​—including touching or even making comments of a sexual nature. But sometimes the line can be blurred between teasing, flirting, and sexually harassing.

Do you know the difference between them? Take our  sexual harassment quiz and find out!

Sadly, sexual harassment doesn’t always stop when you graduate from school. However, if you develop the confidence and skills you need to deal with sexual harassment now, you’ll be prepared to deal with it when you enter the workforce. And you might even stop a harasser from hurting others!

What if I’m being sexually harassed?

Sexual harassment is more likely to stop if you know what it is and how to react to it! Consider three situations and how you might deal with each one.

SITUATION:

At work, some guys who were much older than I am kept telling me that I was beautiful and that they wished they were 30 years younger. One of them even walked up behind me and sniffed my hair!”​—Tabitha, 20.

Tabitha could think: ‘If I just ignore it and tough it out, maybe he will stop.’

Why that probably won’t help: Experts say that when victims ignore sexual harassment, it often continues and even escalates.

Try this instead: Speak up and calmly but clearly tell your harasser that you won’t tolerate his speech or behavior. “If anyone touches me inappropriately,” says 22-year-old Taryn, “I turn around and tell him not to touch me ever again. That usually catches the guy off guard.” If your harasser persists, be firm and don’t give up. When it comes to maintaining high moral standards, the Bible’s advice is: “Stand firm, mature and confident.”​—Colossians 4:​12The New Testament in Contemporary Language.

What if the harasser threatens to harm you? In that case, don’t confront him. Escape the situation as quickly as possible, and seek the help of a trusted adult.

SITUATION:

When I was in the sixth grade, two girls grabbed me in the hallway. One of them was a lesbian, and she wanted me to go out with her. Although I refused, they continued to harass me every day between classes. Once, they even pushed me up against a wall!”​—Victoria, 18.

Victoria could have thought: ‘If I tell anyone about this, I will be labeled as weak, and maybe no one will believe me.’

Why that thinking probably would not have helped: If you hold back from telling someone, the harasser may continue and even go on to harass others.​—Ecclesiastes 8:11.

Try this instead: Get help. Parents and teachers can give you the support you need to deal with your harasser. But what if the people you tell don’t take your complaint seriously? Try this: Every time you are harassed, write down the details. Include the date, time, and location of each incident, along with what the harasser said. Then give a copy of it to your parent or teacher. Many people treat a written complaint more seriously than a verbal one.

SITUATION:

I was really afraid of this one boy who was on the rugby team. He was almost two meters (6.5 ft) tall, and he weighed about 135 kilograms (300 lb)! He got it into his head that he was going to ‘have me.’ He pestered me almost every day​—for a whole year. One day, we were the only people in the classroom, and he started closing in on me. I jumped up and ran out the door.”​—Julieta, 18.

Julieta could think: ‘That’s just the way boys are.’

Why that probably won’t help: Your harasser is unlikely to change his behavior if everyone thinks it’s acceptable.

Try this instead: Resist the temptation to laugh it off or to respond with a smile. Rather, make sure that your reaction​—including your facial expression​—makes it clear to your harasser what you will and will not tolerate.

Sexual harassment quiz

“In middle school, boys would pull on the back of my bra and make derogatory comments​—like how much better I would feel once I had sex with them.”— Coretta.

Do you think that those boys were

  1. Teasing?

  2. Flirting?

  3. Sexually harassing her?

“On the bus, a boy started saying nasty things to me and grabbing me. I smacked his hand away and told him to move. He looked at me like I was crazy.”— Candice.

What do you think that this boy was doing to Candice?

  1. Teasing?

  2. Flirting?

  3. Sexually harassing her?

“Last year, a boy kept telling me that he liked me and that he wanted to go out with me, even though I constantly told him no. Sometimes, he rubbed my arm. I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t. Then, while I was tying my shoe, he smacked my rear end.”​— Bethany.

In your opinion, was this boy:

  1. Flirting?

  2. Teasing?

  3. Sexually harassing her?

The correct answer to all three questions is C.

What makes sexual harassment different from flirting or teasing? “Sexual harassment is one-sided,” says a girl named Eve. “It continues even when you tell the person to stop.” Harassment is serious. Not only can it affect your grades and health but it can also lead to sexual violence.

Curated from JW.ORG
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Zimbabwe Announces Suspension Of Customs Duty & Value Added Tax on Sanitary Wear

Curator | Nust-ZW
One minute read

Finance and Economic Development Minister Professor Mthuli Ncube yesterday suspended customs duty on sanitary wear for the next one year.

Presenting the 2019 National Budget in Parliament, Prof Ncube said this was meant to cushion underprivileged women and girls in the interim, while the local supply of sanitary wear improves

I propose to suspend customs duty for sanitary wear for a period of 12 months beginning December 1, 2018. I also propose to exempt imports of sanitary wear from Value Added Tax,’ said Prof Ncube.

POLITICS OF PERIODS

Parliamentarians and various organisations have been running campaigns aimed at advocating for health and wellness particularly access to sanitary wear.

The campaigns call for standardised, affordable prices for sanitary wear, pushing for a mandatory sustainable sanitary wear budget in every Government institution and public spaces, free sanitary wear in schools and also pushing organisations like the United Nations to prioritise girls and young women’s health and wellness.

These campaigns have revealed that:

…many young girls miss school during their menstrual periods, while others are subjected to sexual harassment and abuse as a result of lack of access to sanitary wear, which makes them eventually drop out of school.

Chairperson of the Parliamentary Portfolio Committee on Women Affairs and Youth, Priscilla Misihairabwi-Mushonga is on record as saying the health needs of girls should be prioritised by Government.

Parliamentarians from the opposition Movement for Democratic Change party have urged the government to invest in the industry and provide free period products as a show of respect.

“Sanitary wear should be made readily available free of charge just like condoms; government should pay for sanitary wear. Government should take the dignity of women and girls seriously,” Jessie Majome, a Zimbabwean legislator from the opposition MDC party, told the Thomson Reuters Foundation

Sources: Chronicle + Reuters

3 000 Condoms Used By Students At Masvingo Poly, Many Reject ‘Smelly Madembare’ Contraceptive

Robert Tapfumaneyi
2 minute read

Students at Masvingo Polytechnic College are using at least 3 000 male condoms per month although some are less inspired by what they find as a pungent smell produced by the freely distributed contraceptive during and after use.

This emerged during a recent tour in Masvingo by the National Aids Council (NAC) and some local journalists.

NAC and partner organisations distribute free condoms to so-called HIV/Aids hotspots, with the tertiary institution identified as one of them.

HIV/Aids hot spots are places seen as having a high sexual activity and hence, more likely to experience high infections.

During a stopover at Masvingo Polytechnic, it emerged that the use of the male condom was very high among the adult learners while the uptake of the female condom remained very low.

Only a mere 100 per month were being withdrawn from the condom dispenser installed by NAC within the school premises.

Students said the condoms which were freely obtainable within the school were of cheap quality with their biggest disadvantage being the “disgusting odour” they produced upon use.

Some said they could easily pick out from a group, any individual who has just had sex using the contraceptive.

The much resented condoms are often referred to as madembare.

…Some students are less inspired by what they find as a pungent smell produced by the freely distributed contraceptive during and after use…

“The best you can do for us is to supply students with flavoured condoms,”said Portia Munhukwa, a peer educator with National Aids Council.

“The situation becomes worse when students decide to go and have sex in between lectures… when you come back, everyone can easily pick out the smell and you will feel embarrassed. They are also too oily.

“On the madembare condoms, let me honest with you, they have a bad smell.”

Apart from the unpleasant smell, Portia said, the condoms have helped bring down cases of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) with less than 10 new STI cases now being reported per month compared to hundreds in past years.

“When I started working here in 2018, I discovered that the issue of STIs was a bigger issue, and then we started educating the students on how to protect themselves and promoting the use of condoms,” she said.

“Some of the first year female students will be so young and vulnerable and due to peer pressure, end up looking up to older men to supplement their living costs and in the process, giving in to demands for unprotected sex.

Suicide after lecturer ‘beds student’s girlfriend’

Patrick Chitumba, Midlands Bureau Chief
One minute read

A FINAL year Local Government student at Midlands State University allegedly hanged himself from the roof truss at his lodgings in Nehosho area in Senga early yesterday morning for unknown reasons.

Walter Temera

Speculation is, however, rife that Walter Temera killed himself in anger after allegedly finding one of his lecturers bedding his girlfriend. It is also said that he was in debt and possibly saw suicide as the only way out.

Midlands Provincial police spokesperson Inspector Joel Goko said reasons why he allegedly took his life were unknown adding that police investigations were underway.

“Yes I can confirm that an MSU student was allegedly found hanging from the roof truss of the toilet at a house where he was staying with other school mates. There are a lot of theories being thrown around but police investigations are underway,” he said.

MSU director of information Mrs Mirirai Mawere also confirmed the sudden death.

“Yes I can confirm the death of one of our students. It’s now a police case and under investigation, “she said.

Students close to the matter said that Temera had travelled to Victoria Falls with other students on an educational tour arriving back in Gweru around 2AM.

“Word is that he tried to jump off a moving bus when they were returning from Victoria Falls but was restrained by other students. The reasons for wanting to commit suicide by jumping off a moving bus are unknown,” said a student on condition of anonymity.

He said when the bus arrived at the Gweru Main Campus – it was suggested that Temera should spend the rest of the night under the watch of his best friend at the Main Campus.

“He allegedly sneaked out of his best friend’s room and went to his lodgings in Nehosho. This morning, he started apologising to his friends for all the wrongs he had done to them telling them that he lived a ‘fake’ life. Then around 7:30AM he was found hanging from a truss in a toilet,” said the student.

However, the student said his neighbour told the police that Temera owed some students money which he was failing to pay back.

Insp Goko appealed to members of the public especially students to consult elders or their lecturers when they face problems.

“It is unfortunate that members of the society resort to such extreme measures in the face of challenges. As police we urge members of the public especially these students to value the sanctity of live. In the face of problems they must consult school authorities, elders in the community, their guardians or the police,” he said.

 

Pulling through a long distance relationship

Nyasha Matongo | Nust ZW 19′
4 minute read 

…it’s usually mistrust and loneliness that brings emptiness or rather the “d i s t a n c e” in a long distance relationship…

Hey guys welcome to another series of For Her Fridays. After dwelling so much on fashionmakeup and style shall we get into the love lounge? To begin this series, I’m going to talk about long distance relationships.

I’ve noticed that if there’s one thing that people are skeptical about, it’s long distance relationships. I tried to find out why and it’s usually mistrust and loneliness that brings emptiness or rather the “distance” in a long distance relationship. Based on my current personal experiences and lessons from other people, I’m going to talk about how you can pull through a long distance relationship.

I can’t say I’ve always been negative about long distance relationships. Maybe it’s because I just never had the chance to be in any. I have seen people breaking up and others cheating and others entering an “open relationship” phase (I still don’t understand how this works) because long distance had become unbearable.

All this ends up happening because people would have allowed a gap to be created especially if they used to be in closer proximity. From my understanding, it all goes back to the importance of knowing your love languages as according to Gary Chapman. Discover what you guys individually like and make the most of it whilst one of you is away. For example, I like it when my bf helps me do something no matter how small. It could even be just holding my umbrella.

So when I’m away like this, he still finds something to help me with be it proof reading my blogs, helping me plan my day or week or anything he might be able to help with. Gosh that gets me sooo happy (you’ll understand why when I talk about love languages in my next For Her Friday post).

IMG_20180902_165433_716[1]Gifts can be a great way of making your bae think about you

…seeing all those cute and crazy pictures reminds me that I have something beautiful to hold on to…

By positivism I mean how much you believe in your couple. Someone would literally declare the relationship over in her mind just because “all boys cheat” anyway. Yea, that could be true, boys cheat, men don’t.

The first thing you need to do is to believe that you can make it. You can never expect something to work when you don’t believe that it can work for you. Although I’d never been in a long distance relationship, I told myself to focus on the positive things that could result from it and I had to see myself pulling through. Stop thinking about all the negative things that could happen. Your life is shaped by what you think.

The next thing I (I’d rather say we) did was to prepare ourselves for it. How? Spend as much time as possible with your loved one before one of you goes away. Deliberately make an investment into your relationship by creating memories.

Take walks, just sit on a park bench and tell your bf what you really like about him and what you’ll miss. Don’t let the separation be an abrupt event, make it gradual at least 2-3 months. Another great way of doing this is taking lots pictures if you like pictures. There are times when I just browse my gallery and seeing all those cute and crazy pictures reminds me that I have something beautiful to hold on to.

IMG_20180723_092134_293[1]
Make memories and capture them

After being separated by distance one thing bae and I have done is to have quality time despite being in two different parts of the country. These days technology has made communication easier and you really need to make use of it. One of the things we do is making video calls and tallllllk. This doesn’t only feel awesome, it actually makes you feel like you are not so far from each other.

C’mon, he’s just a call away not hundreds of kilometers after all. If you can’t do video calls, do voice calls or anything that keeps the two of you in touch. If you don’t talk to him someone will and this could even be his own mind which leads to suspicion and suspicion leads to…. Yea, you got it right (I’m just assuming you did lol)

The most important thing you need to do if you ever want to pull through a long distance relationship is building your relationship on trust. Some girls can’t even let their boyfriends go out of their sight what more if he now has to be away from you? I talked about 5 things girls do that guys hate and lack of trust is definitely one of them.

I’m sure you’d get irritated too if your bf didn’t trust you. I’ve had many people asking me why I trust my boyfriend so much. Well, I guess it’s because I haven’t caught him. (Hahaha just kidding). My secret is I’ve learnt that trust is the secret to a healthy relationship regardless of distance.

I’m always positive and I never allow any negative forces to influence me. My friends now know this and they even fight any negativity that other people might try to bring. The problem is most of the time we allow other people to influence our relationships when our relationships should influence the world.

IMG-20180928-WA0059.jpg
Go-cart racing

Owww this one came from my bf…. “be in touch with his friends and surprise him even when you are not around….” 🙂

So there you have it. Long distance relationships can actually work out and its you and your partner who have to put in the effort. Remember to do the things he loves the most, build trust, be positive and have quality time together even when you’re not together. I hope you enjoyed reading this article and you found it helpful. Please share with me some of your tips in the comments section below and do follow and like my blog.

xoxo

Reblogged from https://nyashamatongoblog.wordpress.com

7 Ways to Reduce Pain During First Time Sex #WednesdayWisdom

Taylor Carson | Temple University 
5 minute read

It doesn’t matter who you are ––sex for the first time is a huge deal. Whether you’re preparing to lose your virginity (or have sex with a new partner for the first time), at least a little discomfort is inevitable. After all, everyone is different and sex is a learning process!

So, how can you reduce the amount of pain you feel? We’ve enlisted the help of Laura-Anne Rowell, a sex coach at Primitive Balance, to dish seven secrets on having a more pleasurable experience during your first time.

1. Lower your expectations

Take some time and evaluate your own expectations. What are they? Be wary that popular culture often depicts intercourse as sensual and hot when, in reality, your first time is more likely to be sweaty and uncomfortable.

Believe it or not, unrealistic expectations (even if you don’t consciously realize you have them) can negatively affect your first experience. Go into the act with a clear mind and understand that what you’ll come to define as “good” sex is going to take time, practice and patience to establish.

While you may want to lower your expectations on how the experience will physically feel, you should absolutely have high expectations in terms of a caring partner and consent. Make sure you’re absolutely sure that you’re emotionally ready! You should never feel pressured by your partner, friends or society into having sex.

2. Find a peaceful space

Everyone is anxious prior to having sex for the first time, so the last thing you need is for the process to be disrupted by outside noises. It is extremely important to feel comfortable physically, mentally and emotionally if you want to maximize pleasure. Create an environment where you and your partner can feel safe and open –– and where you’re sure no one will accidentally barge in.

3. Talk about sex with your partner

Often times, the pressure associated with sexual performance makes the experience more disappointing than it has to be. To combat such pressures, take the time to have a sex talk with your partner beforehand.

We get it: you might feel like talking about the mechanics of sex will make things unromantic or just plain awkward. Make the conversation fun and relaxed. Start with openers like “I like when you do this…now let’s try this,” or “this hurts…maybe this will feel better!” Learn each other’s pleasure zones. What makes you both feel good? What are your boundaries? Knowing your partner is turned on will inadvertently turn you on more, too.

Communicating beforehand will make you both feel more excited about the experience and, in turn, reduce pain.

4. Start with foreplay

For sex to be enjoyable, you have to be turned on. If you aren’t lubricated (either naturally or with some extra help), it’s going to hurt. Foreplay is a great and extremely fun way to get things started!

It’s important to note that foreplay is different for everyone. “The main reason for women to engage in foreplay is not only mental stimulation (getting more in the mood) but for biological reasons (to get wet),” Rowell says. “When a woman is turned on and wet, this makes sex more enjoyable and easier for penetration (less painful).”

Anna*, a sophomore at the University of Maryland, lost her virginity this past summer. “Because my body was so new to penetration, my boyfriend did a lot of fingering to prepare me for, well, the final act,” she says. “Easing into things via foreplay helped to make first-time sex virtually painless for me.”

Keep in mind that not all women get turned on by the same things. “Some women get turned on just by kissing and that is enough foreplay for them to have sex,” Rowell says. “Others take longer and want oral play, breast play and soft (or rough depending on your style) caresses before wanting sex.”

Before penetration begins, make sure you feel aroused by engaging in foreplay with your partner. Otherwise, you’re going to feel slight pain and discomfort.

Related: What First Time Sex is Like For Guys

5. Take it slow

To help ease into things, make sure you indicate to your partner that you want to take it slow. Be patient with each other, take your time, communicate during the act and learn what feels right ––and what doesn’t.

Kelsey*, a junior at Florida State University, knows just how important it is not to rush into things. “The best thing you can do to reduce any pain is just to be relaxed,” she says. “Don’t push it or do it when you don’t really want to. Your nerves and hesitancies might make it harder to be “turned on,” and that can be painful!” We couldn’t agree more.

If you’re having trouble relaxing, try playing soothing music, focusing on your breathing, or simply laughing with your partner. Keep in mind that you can stop at any point if it hurts too much. Never think you have to just “get it over with” or “suck up the pain,” sex should be enjoyable for both partners.

6. Experiment with different positions

Once sex is underway, don’t be afraid to experiment with your body positioning. Just because one thing doesn’t feel good doesn’t mean everything won’t feel good! Switch things up (within your comfort zone, of course!) and find what makes the experience most pleasurable for both you and your partner.

According to Rowell, there are three basic positions for starters that provide the most pleasure to the female: missionary, girl on top, or doggie style. “Depending on if you want clitoral stimulation (girl on top) or if you want to feel more relaxed and find it better for g-spot (missionary) or if you want deep penetration (doggie),” she says. “In all these positions, you are able to control and communicate with your partner easily.”

Rowell adds that, while there is no right-or-wrong first position, missionary is a good starting place if it’s your very first time. If missionary is causing you pain, try placing a pillow under your hips to ease discomfort. “Once you have mastered these, then you can try the variations and learn all the fancy terms,” she says.

7. Try again later

Remember, collegiettes: it’s not unexpected for your first time to be less-than-extraordinary. If you’re struggling to get lubricated, your partner can’t maintain an erection or neither of you are reaching orgasm, take a break. You can ––and should–– try again later! The most important thing to do is laugh off the experience and learn from it.

If you find that you have a painful time during your first time, don’t beat yourself up. Take the time to discover what you enjoy sexually, don’t put pressure on yourself and try again when you feel ready! Trust us, when it comes to sex, practice makes perfect.

*Names have been changed.Curated from Her Campus

Here’s Why You Keep Getting UTIs (& What To Do)

Mary Hilliard
4 minute read

If you find yourself dealing with frequent urinary tract infections, know you’re not alone.

UTIs are the second most common infection, according to Everyday Health, and account for millions of doctor visits annually. If you find yourself dealing with multiple UTIs—specifically, more than twice in a span of six months—this is considered a recurrent UTI. The National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases estimates that one in five women have a recurring UTI. So, how are you supposed to deal with what seem like non-stop infections? We’re here to help.

First of all, what is a UTI?

Essentially, a UTI is when bacteria enters the urinary tract, resulting in frequent trips to the bathroom or burning feeling when you pee.

“A UTI is an infection of the bladder or kidneys,” says Dr. Darria Long Gillespie, a clinical assistant professor at the University of Tennessee School of Medicine. “When healthy, neither of these have bacteria in them, so an infection occurs when bacteria gets into the urethra, which connects the outside of the body to the bladder, and proceeds up the body into the bladder or kidney. UTIs are more common in the bladder, and more common in women.”

According to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, symptoms of a UTI include:

  • Frequent urgency to pee
  • Burning sensation when you go
  • Pee that is tinted or has a strange odor

Why do you keep getting recurring UTIs?

1. You don’t pee when you should

A key factor in preventing a UTI is peeing. Basically, peeing is part of your body’s self-cleaning process (another reason why you shouldn’t be using hygiene products besides simple soap and water). It’s meant to flush out your urinary tract and get rid of harmful bacteria, like the kind that causes a UTI. Trying to hold it when you really have to go can result in a UTI.

2. You don’t drink enough water

Dehydration means infrequent trips to the bathroom, and then your body can’t execute its self-cleaning process. Drinking enough water everyday will keep harmful bacteria from infecting your urinary tract by keeping your peeing cycle regulated.

“Staying hydrated is always a good idea,” says Gillespie.

3. You don’t pee after sex

Again, peeing is a cleansing process!

“One of the easiest ways to prevent UTIs is to always urinate shortly after intercourse,” says Gillespie. “Since UTIs happen when bacteria travels up the urethra and into the bladder (and the bacteria can be introduced with intercourse), think of this as a way to ‘flush out the bacteria’ before it has a chance to settle and create an infection.”

Related: 5 Myths You Probably Still Believe About Your Vagina

4. You use scented feminine hygiene products

Since your body has its own self-cleaning plan, douches and deodorants are unnecessary. If you do use those products and they are scented, they can actually do your body more harm than good because they can mess with the balance of healthy and harmful bacteria. Plus, the fragrances can cause irritation.

5. You wipe from back to front

This can transfer harmful bacteria towards your urinary tract instead of cleaning things up—so make sure you wipe from front to back.

6. You wear the wrong kind of underwear

Cotton underwear can help prevent recurring UTIs because it’s a more lightweight and breathable material, so it isn’t super sweaty and gross down there.

7. You use the wrong kind of birth control

Sometimes the pill can be preferable to other forms of contraception. “Consider a new method of birth control if you use spermicide, particularly if you also use a diaphragm, as that may increase your risk of recurrent infection,” Gillespie advises.

Treating a UTI

As soon as you experience any symptoms, head to your doctor to get tested so you can be prescribed an antibiotic.

“One thing I see is that women mistake another infection (such as a yeast infection or other condition) for a UTI, since they may have similar symptoms,” Gillespie says. “However, they have very different treatments! So, especially if you have not had a UTI before, it’s important to see your doctor to get tested, so you can get treated appropriately.”

Recurrent UTIs can occur when the first one isn’t treated soon enough. Your usual family doctor or healthcare provider can treat a UTI. Do NOT wait to go to the doctor—UTIs can quickly progress into bladder infections. Regardless of what the internet tells you, cranberry juice will not cure your UTI!

Preventing a UTI

Essentially, drink lots of fluids throughout the day to keep your urine flow consistent and flush out your urinary tract, so when you gotta go, go. Keep things clean down there with soap and water—nothing scented. Taking a probiotic can help regulate the balance between good and bad bacteria by boosting healthy bacteria that can then kill off any harmful bacteria. According to Women’s Health Specialists of California, eating acidic foods such as berries, citrus, and apples can also help prevent an infection.

And that urban myth that cranberry juice can prevent or treat a UTI? Not so much.

“When it comes to cranberry juice and cranberry products, there is not strong evidence that they help,” Gillespie says.

UTIs may be uncomfortable to talk about, but they are even more uncomfortable (and even painful) to deal with. Taking precautions to keep your urinary tract healthy now will save you in more ways than one. If you’re frequently dealing with UTIs, try the preventative measures suggested and try to determine the cause. Gillespie advises talking with your doctor if you continue to deal with a recurring UTI, as it may actually be something more serious, or you may be put on a preventative antibiotic.

Curated from Her Campus

4 Reasons They Might Be Ghosting You

Dajin Kim | University of Texas at Austin
3 minute read

When it comes to modern day dating, there’s no question that things aren’t the way that they used to be. Instead of meeting people the old fashioned way, Platforms like Tinder and Bumble have taken over the dating world. Although convenient, the use of apps and texting communication has caused a rise of of ghosting. For those who aren’t familiar with the term, “ghosting” refers to when a person that you’ve been romantically chatting with simply ignores you without any explanation. No matter how great you think the date may have gone or how much chemistry is there, you could totally still get ghosted. Not sure why? Take it from the people who have done the ghosting:

They’re scared of hurting your feelings.

One of the main reasons that people get ghosted is because the person doing it simply doesn’t want to deal with having to hurt your feelings. Although we may think that sending a rejection over text is much easier than doing so in person, not responding altogether is even easier. Especially if it’s someone that you wouldn’t necessarily run into on a daily basis, ignoring someone’s text doesn’t seem so bad. Whether it’s gradually texting less and less or completely ignoring them altogether, this is definitely a big one.

Joshua Keys, a senior at the University of North Texas, explains that “sometimes it’s just easier than trying to think up a formal rejection, even if it is through text message. I feel like it would’ve been better than giving a straight rejection.” Not everyone can be as brave as we want them to be, right?

They found someone else.

Although this may sound like one of the worst reasons to ghost someone, some say that the reason for their ghosting is because they simply found someone better for them. This may not make you feel the greatest, but it’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean that they found someone more superior than you, they just found someone with better compatibility for their needs. Most ghosters say that they started to ignore the person they were talking to because they found a bae that they truly wanted to invest in.

M​egan Dibbern, a grad student at the University of Texas at Austin, says that this is a big reason why people go ghost. “I just don’t find it necessary to continue to talk to someone when you know that it’s not going to last,” she explains. “For me, it’s not necessarily that I chose someone over someone else, but I just think of it as going with the better choice for myself.” That makes sense, right?

They don’t feel like it’s worth discussing.

One big reason for ghosting that most people don’t consider is that the relationship didn’t seem serious enough to require an explanation. We know, it’s hard to tell how invested in you someone is, but without communication there’s no way to truly know where your “almost” relationship stands.

Holly Brookshire, a graduate from the University of North Texas, explains her reasoning. “For me, I didn’t think that we were talking long enough for it to require a formal ending,” she says. “I feel like if we’ve only been chatting a little bit for a short period of time, simply not replying anymore sends the message across.”

It’s important to remember that sometimes it’s not always about someone being a jerk, but just differing mindsets. Something that seems okay to one person may not be the same as yours.

Related: 7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Date Someone New 

They’re not motivated enough to keep it going.

Now here’s the big one: Although it may seem like one specific text or message may have ruined the budding relationship, the answer may be a lot simpler than you think. Most people, whether they’re experienced or not, can often lose interest for no reason at all. We all know that the feeling of butterflies in our stomachs and fast heart beats don’t really happen all that easily.

Joe Lee, a sophomore at the University of Texas at Arlington says that this is a main reason he ghosts people. “With my busy schedule, when I’m not super interested in the girl I’m talking to, I just don’t feel motivated to keep it going,” he says. “Honestly, most of the times I just forget to reply.”

It’s hard to find someone who truly makes us feel like we are in love. More often than not, two people feeling that way about each other is very rare, but that’s what makes it special, right?

Curated from Her Campus: